Here’s to making a move

I’ve been threatening to do this for many months now. But that ever-growing part of my brain that tells me I’m not good enough would always stop me at some point during the process. Who cares what I have to say? Why do I think my voice is important enough for people to take time out of their days to pay attention to it?

Honestly, I don’t have the answers to those questions. But when I woke up this morning my yogi mother made me watch a ten-minute motivational video about counting to five, and then doing that thing you’ve been procrastinating over, without even thinking about it. She put it on in the hopes it’ll make me tidy my bedroom (yes, I’m an adult), but instead it led me here.

You see, reader, I’m an unbelievably lazy person. It’s a toxic trait that I despise about myself, but the paradoxical thing about being lazy is that you’re too lazy to change said trait about yourself. I love so many things, singing, playing instruments, writing poetry and stories, reading, going to the gym, baking, collecting Pokemon cards, playing video games… I get bored easily and move from hobby to hobby weekly. But the amount of mental and physical effort it takes me to get any of these things started is, frankly, embarrassing. I don’t think I’m mentally ill. Just exhausted.

But alas! Here we are! You and I, not conversing as such, but I am writing and you are reading. Two of my favourite things to do. I have no idea if this is even worth reading, but I have been stuck in a very dark hole for a couple months too long now, and this is making me feel ever so slightly closer to the light.

So here’s to counting to five. Here’s to Leo season giving me the confidence boost of the Sun to pursue this. Here’s to making a move.

WORD OF THE DAY: Paradoxical. “Seemingly absurd or self-contradictory”