Swallow 11.9

Look me in the eye and swallow the sword. Do not blink. Do not choke up. Take it, all in one. Feel the sides of the blade hold your throat open like a tent. I think about death a lot for someone who does not want to die. At least, not yet. I picture myself on top of a car park, right on the edge. How the breeze makes the hairs on my arms dance. Greasy hair in my face and mouth. How i look out onto the lights of this city, the one i’ve come to love, despite it all. Despite how every street, every pub and coffee shop reeks of you. I see us everywhere, stumbling home at 4 am, hand in hand. Remember the way we conversed, drifting through town with no direction. Just the sound of our voices holding us together. Now I hold myself together. With the sound of ‘I’m better off alone’s and the fact that all I cause is hurt. I hold myself together now, because no one else will.