Excerpt from my diary 12.8

In the adjustment period of realising I’m a bad person. I’m not ready to change yet.

I think about suicide a lot. I wouldn’t, because of my parents. but this world is too overwhelming, sometimes. In good and bad ways. And all I want to do is make it stop. I imagine myself sat on a bridge, above a motorway at night.

So many pretty lights, a nice breeze, stars in the sky.

But I never jump. Someone always saves me. So maybe I don’t want to die; maybe I want to be saved.

Shut up.

Pot noodle for tea.

WORD OF THE DAY: Abode. “a place of residence; a house or home”