excerpt from my diary 4.10

i feel tired today. it’s cold out and i think of the insects. i also think of fixing a drink, but i’m too tired to move.

the latest discovery of my insides is that my biggest fear is feeling nothing at all. when i’m sad, i wallow in it. when i’m happy, i cling to it with my tightest grip before it’s gone again. but to be average, middle of the road, just… okay, is terrifying.

today i am neither happy nor sad. today i am hopeful. i can taste it.

WORD OF THE DAY: lethargy “a lack of energy or enthusiasm”