at night 11.10

meditation for suicidal thoughts

tense jaw

longing for more

something else

anything.

begging my own brain to stop

to stop the thoughts.

it scares me.

how they appear out of nowhere,

when i think i’m okay,

when i think i’m nowhere near the cliff edge

i fall.

silently screaming until

thud

my body hits the ground full speed,

all my bones break instantly

i feel the need to scream

for help

but there is no point.

no one can hear me here

i won’t let them.

i bleed out in agony,

my teeth and eyes falling out slowly

until my heart eventually

gives up.

and then i wake up

and do it all again.

WORD OF THE DAY: harangue “a lengthy or aggressive speech”