the fox 23.10

i sink into cherry leather my palms sticking to sodden oak making little tears in a john smith’s beer mat. this isn’t your local it’s mine. but you slide into a corner table and slot in like you belong. you blend into the depressing wallpaper and sip a lager shandy. i can see our words … Continue reading the fox 23.10 →

excerpt from my diary 4.10

i feel tired today. it’s cold out and i think of the insects. i also think of fixing a drink, but i’m too tired to move. the latest discovery of my insides is that my biggest fear is feeling nothing at all. when i’m sad, i wallow in it. when i’m happy, i cling to … Continue reading excerpt from my diary 4.10 →

Excerpt from my diary 12.8

In the adjustment period of realising I'm a bad person. I'm not ready to change yet. I think about suicide a lot. I wouldn't, because of my parents. but this world is too overwhelming, sometimes. In good and bad ways. And all I want to do is make it stop. I imagine myself sat on … Continue reading Excerpt from my diary 12.8 →

Swallow 11.9

Look me in the eye and swallow the sword. Do not blink. Do not choke up. Take it, all in one. Feel the sides of the blade hold your throat open like a tent. I think about death a lot for someone who does not want to die. At least, not yet. I picture myself … Continue reading Swallow 11.9 →

7.8

the lights looked so pretty. i couldn’t take my eyes off them even when he turned to me and said the words. focus on the lights. the way they expand and contract with the focusing and unfocusing of your eyesight. i think of the intricacies of each and every relationship and interaction you encounter. how … Continue reading 7.8 →