a conversation with myself I

I’m sad. Again? What? Yes. Is there a limit or something? Well no, but they’re getting more and more regular. What are? Your episodes. The blank-face-wall-staring, the gut wrenching realisations that life is futile and pointless, the scrunched up faces… Alright that’s enough of that. I’m sad and we need to figure out why and … Continue reading a conversation with myself I →

novel excerpt 2.11

“i’m going away.” i blurted, leaning lifeless against the garden wall. “what do you mean?” he asked, lighting up another cigarette. “i... there’s some things i need to clear up. i’m leaving the country for a while, few months maybe, maybe longer. i’ve got a friend in the netherlands. you’re the first person i’ve told, … Continue reading novel excerpt 2.11 →

Novel Extract 7.4

“Have you ever seen Fight Club?” I clicked back into reality. “What?” I turned away from the window and looked for where the voice came from. “The film, Fight Club. have you ever seen it?” An old man across the aisle was staring at me, waiting for an answer. “No.” I managed a gruff response. … Continue reading Novel Extract 7.4 →

hall of pig

The big room felt suffocating. High ceilings with heavy red curtains, absolutely everything rimmed or lined with gold. The smell of the hog roast was inescapable. I never liked hog. A polite young girl offered her tray of champagne towards me. I pick up two. She smiled and I winked at her. I only came … Continue reading hall of pig →

damage: collateral 27.10

i am blessed with snake eyes. lines of poetry explode behind my eyes like fireworks. sometimes i think of what could’ve been if things had gone differently. is it my fault? did i create the current situations? if so, i am sorry. not for you, but for me you’re happier than i could ever make … Continue reading damage: collateral 27.10 →

Excerpt from my diary 12.8

In the adjustment period of realising I'm a bad person. I'm not ready to change yet. I think about suicide a lot. I wouldn't, because of my parents. but this world is too overwhelming, sometimes. In good and bad ways. And all I want to do is make it stop. I imagine myself sat on … Continue reading Excerpt from my diary 12.8 →

27.8

the temptation to stay here and stagnate is overwhelming sometimes. every day i lose a little bit of my willingness to try. to try and make something of my life. drink my life away in the fox, moulding to the shape of an old leather chair. become somebody’s wife and drink half pints, learn how … Continue reading 27.8 →

THE FUNERAL

i drove my fagbutt into the gravel outside the church and held my breath as i entered. sliding into a pue at the very back, i wondered if i’d made a mistake. i listened to the priest talk about him like he knew him. as he said the words ‘kind man’ i looked over at … Continue reading THE FUNERAL →